When I first believed...

I don't remember first learning about God from my parents; although, I know I did. My relationship with Him began (in my earliest recollection) when I was 5 years old. Many days, I spent hours at a time, sitting on our back porch, soaking up the warmth of the sun, listening to the birds sing their melodies, and talking to God about it all. I told him stories about my day, things I liked, things I hoped for, etc. Then one day, it happened.... He spoke to ME! Now, I'm sure He had probably spoken to me before, in other ways, but as a child, I probably didn't recognize them. However; on this day, I did. It was God's audible voice. Loud and clear. I was not afraid. I remember feeling special, and blessed. What an honor!

God told me I was smart. Smart? As I look back, I can honestly say I WAS smart... In school, in my studies. But, what about in life? Hearing the true voice of God made me a believer, gave me faith. And I certainly didn't want to disappoint Him. So, I did my best to be "perfect" for Him. I was smart when it came time to say "No" to drugs, parties, the pressures of sex, bullying others, etc. BUT, eventually God's word became nothing but a legalistic view of rules that became too hard for me to live up to. Satan used it to smother me in guilt and shame when I stumbled. Before long, I wasn't so smart anymore. I made poor choices... Poor choices in what kind of boy was worthy to date me, throwing my college career away, getting married too soon, making more enemies than friends, dishonoring my family, etc. These life decisions chipped away at my heart and my faith. And even though I was being molded into someone I no longer loved or recognized, I never stopped believing. I couldn't. I had heard His voice. I knew He was real. I began to long for His voice again. I wept for His voice. Why didn't God talk to me anymore? Where was He?

It wasn't until I learned about another voice we all hear (satan's voice), that I began to hear from God again. I had been listening to the wrong voice! All those times that life's decisions had me torn between making a "heart" choice or a "head" choice..... when it should've been a GOD choice. I started out on the right path of allowing my decisions in life to be based on what would make God proud of me. But, what I didn't know was that we don't have to be perfect for God, and He still loves us when we stumble. Satan used my lack of knowledge to corrupt my path, and to become the prominent voice I heard. Knowing now how to recognize both voices, and allowing the Holy Spirit to help me discern between the two, I am better able to walk the life-path God has laid out for me. The choices I face aren't always easy, but when I choose to do what God would have me do, the outcome is always good.

Today, I no longer weep for God's voice. I hear Him. He speaks to ME! Loud and clear. I am not afraid. I am special, and blessed. He says, "See, I told you you are smart!" What an honor!

[My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. (Hosea 4:6)]